Raw Emotions

Today, my boys and I spent a day full of sun and exhausting heat. As I pulled into the garage at the end of this little adventure, I shut off the car, and looked to my backseat. I was met with the big brown eyes of my very sleepy baby. His eyes were heavy, while the excitement of the days events drained his face of any expression. As I smiled at him...he gave me one of his famous 'finger points'. Which I responded to, with tears.

The more I ponder my teary reaction, the more I realize that my feelings are far more significant, than just being tired and over-heated. Oh, how I adore my boys, but I long for my sweet little girl. I can't help but wonder what life would be like if she was still with us.

There have been several moments over the last few weeks that have caused thoughts of her to consume me. The most recent of them being an innocent little girl in the grocery store. Seth sat in the shopping cart watching this little girl and her mother as they walked by. Seths stares provoked the following reaction from her:

'...Mommy where's his sister?' 'I have a sister, where's his..'?

One may never know if this little girl actually knew Seth sat there without his sister. Or if she was just allowing her imagination to speak. I do believe the veil is so very thin for these young spirits, that its quite possible she was simply inquiring as to where Little S' sister was.

I have been blessed with numerous good days, filled with pleasant memories, void of the longing that I am experiencing now. All of which, I am truly grateful for. I realize that these emotions have been triggered by my recent lifes events. Regardless of the cause, its does not make these emotions any less real.

I know that the emotional wounds of losing our Sweet Girl will heal with time. But I pray the scars will stay with me. Not only as a reminder of her and the lessons learned, but also as a reminder to cherish my boys and nuture their sweet spirits, because one never knows when lifes circumstances may change.