Inspiring: Welcome To Holland
>> Sunday, November 22, 2009
Welcome To Holland
By Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland??
I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
The above story was told to me, by a new found blogger (new to me, anyways). Told me to me -in her own words, as we sat over lunch. I was inspired to Google the authors version.
I could never, would I ever, compare my life experiences to those of a mother of a child with disabilities. As a mother that has been initiated into the club of "Mothers of Angel Babies", I find that the above life lesson can be applied to many more life experiences. It truly is all about stopping, looking around and just appreciating where your plane landed..whether it be Italy, or Holland. If you allow yourself to become bitter and resentful to the natives (or those that made it to Italy) you will never be able to see the beauty of where YOU are!
12 Pepsi Points :
What an interesting analogy. I like it!
That is the most beautiful way of expressing gratitude. Thank you for sharing that. It's just what I needed to hear today. :)
(((Hugs)))
So true and a wonderful reminder to think about everything we are thankful for this week.
I'd like to say, as a parent of a child with a disability that the pain does go away. There is no need to mourn something that isn't loss.
Initially the shock is great and our gut instinct was to point blame and ask why?
Once we got past that, we realized how truly lucky we are. We're experiencing the very true meaning of unconditional love every single second.
It might be different than parenting a non-disabled child, but I feel at an advantage because I have been taught many more things by her than my typical child has taught me. My skin is thicker and I am much more tolerant. I could go on, but I have never felt loss or like my dream was stripped. I'm sad that this blogger feels that way.
I have read this before and working with special needs children, it is a beautiful analogy. Thanks, H.E.
I agree that finding ways to be happy where you ARE instead of where you thought you should be, is a way to true happiness. Good point!
What a powerful post! Great!
That is really beautiful. Thank you!
I had a college professor who lost one of his twins at birth and he'd heard of this story from a friend. But years later when his wife was dealing with (and lost the battle to) cancer it became his mantra. It's such a great story, and like you said can be used to help so many in different types of need. I've always loved it.
I love this story...I heard it many years ago. I thought it was written by Erma Bombeck?
I've heard this before, but I needed to be reminded of it again. Thanks for sharing it.
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